GoMcGruff

be the responsible one, the parent

On the heels of the announcement that Harvard’s Berkman Center is creating a task force to study security applications, Verizon has announced a partnership with Web Wise Kids to teach kids how to safely and responsibly use wireless phones. Unlike the Harvard study, I think this is a much more appropriate use of money to work towards keeping kids safe.

But at the same time, now parents have yet another place that they could get information on keeping their kids safe online. In fact, if you search the term “family internet safety” on Google, you get over 4.2 million results. As a parent, how can you possibly be able to digest all these different messages?

 

I recommend reviewing the safety messages from a few different organizations. I think you’ll see that many of them carry similar advice for internet safety. Some of these include don’t give out personal information, keep the computer in a central location of the home, make sure your security software is up to date and monitor what your kids are doing online.

As a parent, you need to take this advice and apply them to your own family. Every family has it’s own needs. Perhaps you need a kid-safe browser for the youngsters, or perhaps your little ones cannot go online unless you are sitting with them. Both of these methods will help ensure that your child only participates in approved activities.

It gets trickier as your kids get older. Many families choose to monitor what their kids are doing online with the aid of software. In fact, I need to take a moment to applaud some parents from Wausau, Wisconsin. The parents went out of town and left their teenage daughter at home. They were monitoring her MySpace page and learned that she was planning an underage drinking party. The parents returned early from their trip, called the Sheriff to report the party. In fact, the deputies issued 29 underage drinking citations at the house.

I think this is a great example of responsible parenting. They suspected something was wrong, investigated and when they discovered that indeed there was a problem. And, there were consequences not only for their daughter, but also her friends.

Obviously your child might not be in the exact same situation, but the overall lesson is the same. If you suspect there is a problem, there very well could be. And perhaps you don’t think there is anything wrong, but wouldn’t you be happier if you verified those thoughts through facts that you could get by monitoring their use of the internet?    

reports can't capture technology

The Harvard Berkman Center for Internet & Society announced today the formation of a task force to “evaluate a broad range of existing and state-of-the-art online safety technologies, including a review of identity authentication tools to help sites enforce minimum age requirements.” I’ll admit that they’ve gathered an impressive group of participants, including NCMEC, Microsoft, Yahoo!, MySpace, Facebook and iKeepSafe. But I’m wondering when did it become a business’ responsibility to police the internet?   

The task force will be preparing a report on current technologies to “provide a safer online experience for all internet users”. A report? Really? And it’s going to take a year to produce with quarterly updates.

I work at a technology company. Technology moves much faster than the speed of a report. By the time the report is finished, all of the technologies that are evaluated in it will have either advanced and morphed into something else, or been tossed by the wayside for a newer product.

I see two things that are wrong here. One, if companies are so concerned, they should be focusing their energies on creating new technologies to keep people safe. Not just talking about it.

And two, if they care about their users, why not focus their energies on helping people to learn how to be safe online? All the technology in the world can’t protect you if you blindly give out personal information online.

If it is the age verification technologies that they want to work on, include an educational component for parents. Kids are very knowledgeable about technology and the latest fads. Many parents aren’t comfortable enough with technology to be able to have an intelligent discussion with their children about what to do and not do. It’s not enough anymore to tell your children to not talk to strangers.

how do i start the discussion?

If you’re like many parents, you know you need to discuss online safety with your children but are not quite sure where to begin. First off, you want it to be a conversation, not a lecture. They have lots of knowledge about the internet and you might be able to learn something while teaching them about digital citizenship. And it can’t be a conversation that you have once and think that they are set for life. Technology changes and so do your kids.

Here are a few resources to use to start the conversation:

Digital Citizenship – The site is primarily aimed at educators, but your kids learn from you everyday so make sure they are learning the right things. Also a great repository of articles on current technology and digital citizenship topics.

Techlearning – A great list of questions you can use to start a conversation with your kids. Some, like #9, won’t apply, but the list covers many topics that you should be addressing. I especially like:

"Why do you think cyberbullying has increased and what can we do about it?"

"What is the most difficult computer problem you have ever encountered?"

"Can you give some good examples of what digital citizenship is about?"

iKeepSafe – Here are some family-oriented lessons on internet safety.

National Crime Prevention Council – A good resource for parents not just for internet safety but family safety and crime prevention overall.

Once you’ve talked to your kids and established guidelines for internet use, you will need to enforce the rules. It’s just like when I would come home past my curfew, I was grounded. You need to teach your kids that there are consequences for their behavior, good or bad, both off and online.

compare and contrast your family's online behaviors

Harris Interactive and Symantec released a survey yesterday that takes a look at online activities of people across the world. Let’s see how your family stacks up in a few areas.

Do your kids spend less than 20 hours a month online? If so, you’re ahead of the curve as the survey reports that kids in the US spend an average of 20 hours a month online. Surprising to me, parents think that their kids only spend 2 hours a month.

Do you know who your child’s friends are? Are they meeting people online? There is a good chance they are. In the US, 35% of kids ages 8-17 have made friends online, while 50% teens ages 13-17 have.

Who are your kids sharing their, and possible your, information with? Four in ten teens have been asked for personal information online. Did your kids ignore the request or share the information?

Do you visit social networking sites? Do your kids? Yes. In fact, 76% of teens visit social networking sites. Do you know what they are saying and posting there? You should. It will give you some more insight into your children, areas that they might not tell you about.

The fact that was most shocking to me is that only 33% of parents worldwide monitor their children’s online activities and set parental controls. I find this surprising because I think parents truly care about the safety of their children.

You as a parent have taught your children to look booth ways before crossing the street. I bet you didn’t let them just start running across it. You first would hold their hand and cross with them. As they got older they didn’t need to hold your hand but you were still by their side. You taught them about what the signals mean, red and green lights, walk and don’t walk signs.

Why not do the same with the internet? Start with the basics and keep an eye on your kids by using monitoring software. You’ll know what your children are up to and when it is time for them to be out on their own, you’ll be confident that they know how to stay out of trouble.

legislating the lives of predators

I was just reading that the state of New York is currently considering legislation called the Electronic Security and Targeting of Online Predators Act (e-STOP). The goal is to force sex offenders to register their online information, such as email addresses and screen names, just as they do now with their physical address and phone number. In fact, you can search Family Watchdog’s site to see who lives or works near you with prior convictions of crimes against children, rape, sexual battery and more. New York also has its own registry, as do the other states.

I know that the lawmakers are doing this in the best interest of the children. But what about the people out there who haven’t committed a crime yet but are working towards it, perhaps grooming your child to be their first? Or what about those who are already committing crimes but just haven’t been caught yet? And, have you ever gotten an email address? I have several and it is very easy to acquire new ones and new screen names. Predators could use one to comply with the law and another one to communicate with your kids. You as a parent can make a much bigger difference than a law that is difficult, if not impossible, to enforce.

Yes, it’s hard to think about this but the reality is that to protect your children you must be able to deal with unpleasant issues like this. When you talk to them about what is ok and not ok in the physical world, make the connection to the online world at the same time. Let them know to not talk to strangers online, just as they wouldn’t when they are in the mall. And it’s ok to block instant messaging users who make them uncomfortable.

Unfortunately our government cannot be all things to all people. Parents need to step-up and take responsibility for keeping their children safe, online and off. If you do, you’ll sleep better at night.

Quick side note: isn’t the government great at creating acronyms?

how to be everywhere at once

The web just isn’t what it used to be. No more is it simply email and passive reading of websites. Today there are more things than ever to do online. Social networking, chat, instant messaging, gaming, music, movies, videos, shopping and the list grows everyday. As a parent, where should you focus your efforts to keep your children safe online where it will make the most impact?

Most parents would concentrate on social networking sites. According to a study released last week by Internet Solutions for Kids, Inc., more kids are being harassed and sexually solicited in chat rooms and through instant messaging than on social networking sites like Facebook and myspace.

I’m not saying that these sites should be ignored. The study was conducted in 2006 and use of social networking has been growing tremendously, on Facebook alone, usage increased 270% from 2006-2007. 

I’m sure by now you’re thinking, “gosh, how can I be everywhere at once?” You may not be able to watch your children every minute they are online, and you shouldn’t have to. Instead, you can use an internet monitoring product.

When you are evaluating your options, be sure to see what the capabilities are. These should include monitoring of chat, instant messaging, social networking sites and general websites viewed. In addition you should have the ability to block people from communicating with your child. Another great feature to have is the ability to see the information collected without logging into their computer and being notified if your child is in a potentially dangerous situation so that you can act upon the information is necessary.

The nightmare next door

Allen Kauffman, a small-town mayor and church pastor, seems like the perfect man to have as a neighbor. Maybe he is in the physical world, but not in the virtual one.

In his virtual identity, he is a suspected pedophile and was recently arrested and charged with four counts of felony enticement of a child. Who was the child? Was it your 13-year-old girl? Could she have been the one he was trying to convince to send naked pictures and more of herself to him?

If it was your child, you might not know this was happening. You may assume your children are too innocent to partake in this type of activity or that if it happens they will tell you about it. Are you sure? Only 25% of children do. Are you sure enough to lay their lives on the line?

Fortunately Mr. Kauffman was arrested due to conversations with a decoy, Jim Murray, a 69-year-old retired police chief. And hopefully the justice system will make sure that he Mr. Kauffman can never again harm a child.

Like it or not, things like this happen every day on the internet. And just because you have a boy, your child isn’t exempt. Boys of all ages are solicited online just like girls.

You as a parent can and should take action to make sure that your child doesn’t become a victim. An easy way to keep an eye on what your kids are doing online is to install parental monitoring/control software. One such software, McGruff SafeGuard, is available free to families to help them stay safe online. By knowing what your kids are doing online, if they do run into trouble, you’ll be able to help them before it’s too late.

Bullies don’t just steal your lunch money anymore

When you hear the word bully, what image comes to mind? For me it’s Nelson on the Simpsons and his signature “Ha, Ha” on the school playground.

Bullying, as with everything else, has evolved with the increased use of the internet.  Kids, as creative as they are, are finding new ways to bully each other, courtesy of technology. Hence the proliferation of cyberbullying, defined by StopCyberbullying.org as “when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones. It has to have a minor on both sides, or at least have been instigated by a minor against another minor.” In fact 43% of teens surveyed were cyberbullied in the past year, compared to 17% who experienced traditional bullying.

One of the parental users of McGruff SafeGuard experienced cyberbullying firsthand. “K” in West Virginia said, “My son was being bullied by girls. They were saying very mean things to him. McGruff SafeGuard helped me see that he was doing nothing to provoke this. I was able to talk to him and encourage him to ignore the comments and block the users that were saying these things to him. It opened the door for me to talk about etiquette and by pointing out that members of the opposite sex can be bullies too. … I was also able to put a stop to any foul language he was using in conversations and explain that the computer shouldn't be a license to say and do things he normally wouldn't."

“K” did en excellent job of handling the situation. In recent study by the National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC), over 70 percent of teens said that being able to block cyberbullies was the most effective method of prevention. And “K’s” situation isn’t unique. As reported in Red Orbit, 13% of girls and 8.6% of boys cyberbullied someone in the past 2 months. That’s millions of cases!

The best way to combat cyberbullying is to prevent it before it starts. One way to begin a discussion about cyberbullying with your younger children is by playing a game. McGruff offers a “Shrink the Cyberbully” game that your family can play. When your child chooses an option, whether it is right or wrong, explain why it is and what the benefits are of choosing the correct choice. For older kids, NCPC and the Ad Council posted videos on YouTube, one of a talent show and one of girls sitting at a kitchen table. These really capture the essence of cyberbullying, exposing the messages for what they are, hurtful, rude and harmful. I feel bad for the victim and wished the cyberbully never opened her mouth.

What can you do? Tell your children that if they are being bullied online that they should not respond. As illustrated by the “Shrink the Cyberbully” game, responding only makes it worse. If your child is being bullied, you can block the offending screen names in the instant messaging programs or in most parental control programs.

Teach your children that they can help by not writing or forwarding offending messages.

If you need more information on how to handle a situation, please let me know and I’m happy to help.