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be the responsible one, the parent

On the heels of the announcement that Harvard’s Berkman Center is creating a task force to study security applications, Verizon has announced a partnership with Web Wise Kids to teach kids how to safely and responsibly use wireless phones. Unlike the Harvard study, I think this is a much more appropriate use of money to work towards keeping kids safe.

But at the same time, now parents have yet another place that they could get information on keeping their kids safe online. In fact, if you search the term “family internet safety” on Google, you get over 4.2 million results. As a parent, how can you possibly be able to digest all these different messages?

 

I recommend reviewing the safety messages from a few different organizations. I think you’ll see that many of them carry similar advice for internet safety. Some of these include don’t give out personal information, keep the computer in a central location of the home, make sure your security software is up to date and monitor what your kids are doing online.

As a parent, you need to take this advice and apply them to your own family. Every family has it’s own needs. Perhaps you need a kid-safe browser for the youngsters, or perhaps your little ones cannot go online unless you are sitting with them. Both of these methods will help ensure that your child only participates in approved activities.

It gets trickier as your kids get older. Many families choose to monitor what their kids are doing online with the aid of software. In fact, I need to take a moment to applaud some parents from Wausau, Wisconsin. The parents went out of town and left their teenage daughter at home. They were monitoring her MySpace page and learned that she was planning an underage drinking party. The parents returned early from their trip, called the Sheriff to report the party. In fact, the deputies issued 29 underage drinking citations at the house.

I think this is a great example of responsible parenting. They suspected something was wrong, investigated and when they discovered that indeed there was a problem. And, there were consequences not only for their daughter, but also her friends.

Obviously your child might not be in the exact same situation, but the overall lesson is the same. If you suspect there is a problem, there very well could be. And perhaps you don’t think there is anything wrong, but wouldn’t you be happier if you verified those thoughts through facts that you could get by monitoring their use of the internet?    

what would you do?

A 10-year old kid registered for YouTube using his real name, his official school email address and claimed that he was 20. Was this your kid?

Luckily for this kid, his mother happened to walk by and see what he had done. She was smart and kept the computer in a common area in the house. But, as she learned, that’s just not enough anymore.

As a parent you hope your kids use their best judgment. But now with the internet, kids are being asked to make decisions that they are not mature enough to make. They don’t understand the consequences of their potential actions and instead think in the “now.”

You need to continually teach your child what is appropriate online behavior for their age. An eight year old doesn’t need a facebook page but perhaps a profile is appropriate for your 16 year old.

And you must check in with them and make sure they are following your guidance. With identity theft growing more common, you want to be sure that your child is protecting their identity as well as yours. You can do this with parental monitoring software, such as McGruff SafeGuard.

Netsmartz has some great age-appropriate internet safety pledges that you can use with your children. The pledges begin with simple rules for the youngest children and become more comprehensive as your child matures.

Make sure you take steps now to protect your child. It’s easier to teach them upfront than to deal with a potentially devastating aftermath if something bad was to happen.

cause and effect – what if your child isn’t the victim?

Most of the time the media focuses on the victim. Heck, even I try to help parents learn what to do if their child is the one wronged online. But for every kid being hurt online, there is also someone causing the injury. What do you do if it is your child is the aggressor?

The Associated Press released an article yesterday entitled “Students Fight Back Against Gossip Site.” It focuses mainly on college-age students but similar things are happening to kids of all ages. They are being slandered online—tortured enough that some choose to commit suicide.

I’m sure you’re thinking that it’s not my kid doing the torturing. But it is someone’s kid.

The site profiled in the article, juicycampus.com, is just one example of how far people will go online to defame and harass someone. 

By knowing what your kids are doing online both with and without your knowledge, you are better able to correct their netiquette early on. You can learn what’s happening by monitoring their internet use. Without such guidance, it could be your kid posting horrible things about others online. It’s not just the schoolyard bullies who are acting out online. Sometimes it is the quiet kids whom you least expect. They can’t fight back in the physical world so they turn to the virtual one.

What can you do as a parent if you find out that your child is the bully? There are plenty of resources out there if your child is being bullied, but very few, if any, resources for parents of the bully. The steps you take are just as important as those taken by parents of victims. Some options are having your child apologize to those affected, restricting or removing internet access for a period of time, or other methods that you use in your family. The point is to treat the cyberbullying seriously and continue to monitor their internet use to make sure that they do not continue to harass others.

compare and contrast your family's online behaviors

Harris Interactive and Symantec released a survey yesterday that takes a look at online activities of people across the world. Let’s see how your family stacks up in a few areas.

Do your kids spend less than 20 hours a month online? If so, you’re ahead of the curve as the survey reports that kids in the US spend an average of 20 hours a month online. Surprising to me, parents think that their kids only spend 2 hours a month.

Do you know who your child’s friends are? Are they meeting people online? There is a good chance they are. In the US, 35% of kids ages 8-17 have made friends online, while 50% teens ages 13-17 have.

Who are your kids sharing their, and possible your, information with? Four in ten teens have been asked for personal information online. Did your kids ignore the request or share the information?

Do you visit social networking sites? Do your kids? Yes. In fact, 76% of teens visit social networking sites. Do you know what they are saying and posting there? You should. It will give you some more insight into your children, areas that they might not tell you about.

The fact that was most shocking to me is that only 33% of parents worldwide monitor their children’s online activities and set parental controls. I find this surprising because I think parents truly care about the safety of their children.

You as a parent have taught your children to look booth ways before crossing the street. I bet you didn’t let them just start running across it. You first would hold their hand and cross with them. As they got older they didn’t need to hold your hand but you were still by their side. You taught them about what the signals mean, red and green lights, walk and don’t walk signs.

Why not do the same with the internet? Start with the basics and keep an eye on your kids by using monitoring software. You’ll know what your children are up to and when it is time for them to be out on their own, you’ll be confident that they know how to stay out of trouble.

how to be everywhere at once

The web just isn’t what it used to be. No more is it simply email and passive reading of websites. Today there are more things than ever to do online. Social networking, chat, instant messaging, gaming, music, movies, videos, shopping and the list grows everyday. As a parent, where should you focus your efforts to keep your children safe online where it will make the most impact?

Most parents would concentrate on social networking sites. According to a study released last week by Internet Solutions for Kids, Inc., more kids are being harassed and sexually solicited in chat rooms and through instant messaging than on social networking sites like Facebook and myspace.

I’m not saying that these sites should be ignored. The study was conducted in 2006 and use of social networking has been growing tremendously, on Facebook alone, usage increased 270% from 2006-2007. 

I’m sure by now you’re thinking, “gosh, how can I be everywhere at once?” You may not be able to watch your children every minute they are online, and you shouldn’t have to. Instead, you can use an internet monitoring product.

When you are evaluating your options, be sure to see what the capabilities are. These should include monitoring of chat, instant messaging, social networking sites and general websites viewed. In addition you should have the ability to block people from communicating with your child. Another great feature to have is the ability to see the information collected without logging into their computer and being notified if your child is in a potentially dangerous situation so that you can act upon the information is necessary.

To tell or not to tell – a family dialogue about internet safety

Today I’d like to discuss what to do once you’ve decided to monitor your children’s internet use. This applies whether you are using a software package or simply checking your browser’s history.

I’m sure you’re wondering, why would I tell them if the whole point is to track what they are doing online? There are two reasons:

First, if you discover something and confront them, they will ask how you know? And you will have to tell them. Which could be awkward and better handled by telling them upfront.

Second: the simple act of telling your kids that you are monitoring them often acts a deterrent… if they know you may be monitoring, they are more apt to behave.

McGruff SafeGuard recommends that you tell your kids that you will be monitoring their Internet activity in order to help keep them safe. By establishing an open dialog early on, you will maintain a good relationship and it gives you the opportunity to establish Internet guidelines with your child.

When you’re talking to your kids about what they should and shouldn’t do online, have them sign an internet safety pledge and hang it next to the computer as a reminder to their agreement with you. Don’t be afraid to limit Internet use if the kids break the rules. An agreement can be downloaded from the National Crime Prevention Council.

Another thing you can do while talking to your kids about Internet safety is to have them show you what sites they go to, and be open and willing to discuss the inappropriate material they might come across. Kids don’t report things that they find that make them uncomfortable or that could even be dangerous because they are worried that their parents will be mad and possible punish them. By letting them know that it is not their fault if they come across something inappropriate, they are more likely to come to you when it happens. Hat tip to Netsmartz.

But good online parenting doesn’t end there.

• Check in with your kids regularly and discuss things that they may see in the news about the internet.

• Let them know that the internet isn’t a bad place.

• Remind them that they can get into dangerous situations online just like in the physical world.

• Keep the lines of communication ongoing as internet safety is an ongoing dialogue, not a one-time lecture.

And they most important message for your kids to remember is that you are doing this to help protect them because you love them.

Internet Monitoring – a tool to keep your kids safe

Before beginning my current job, I didn’t think that simply telling someone about the internet safety company you work for could cause such controversy. Sure, there is always the long running Mac vs. PC debate, but somehow where I work seems to reach people on a different level.

Why might you ask?

Well, I work for McGruff SafeGuard. The company has a service that enables parents to help keep their family safe online by monitoring potentially dangerous online communication.

Some people call it spying. Others say it invades their child’s right to privacy. But there is another view: A view that is perhaps best described by a user of McGruff SafeGuard. He said, “his obligation to protect his child is greater than his child’s right to privacy.”

And I agree.

The internet is a revolutionary phenomenon and parents need revolutionary tools to deal with it.

Internet monitoring may not be right for your family. But for many families it is critical to detecting and preventing problems before they become a crisis.  We lead very busy lives these days. Between waking up and going to bed at night, families eat, play sports, do homework, attend clubs, go to work, go to school and many, many other things. Somewhere in there, kids find time to go online and may intentionally or even more likely, unintentionally, be putting themselves in dangerous situations. By monitoring your children, you can see what they are doing and be able to have an open conversation with them about it.

But monitoring alone cannot provide a whole solution. In upcoming posts I’ll be talking about how to tell your children that you’re monitoring, and why you should. Also, I’ll take a look at what to do with the information that you find out. And of course, general safety information for you and your entire family.

I want to empower you, the parents, to protect their children on the internet. If you have any questions or situations you’d like me to address, please feel free to ask! I look forward to having an open discussion with you about how to keep your family safe online.