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be the responsible one, the parent

On the heels of the announcement that Harvard’s Berkman Center is creating a task force to study security applications, Verizon has announced a partnership with Web Wise Kids to teach kids how to safely and responsibly use wireless phones. Unlike the Harvard study, I think this is a much more appropriate use of money to work towards keeping kids safe.

But at the same time, now parents have yet another place that they could get information on keeping their kids safe online. In fact, if you search the term “family internet safety” on Google, you get over 4.2 million results. As a parent, how can you possibly be able to digest all these different messages?

 

I recommend reviewing the safety messages from a few different organizations. I think you’ll see that many of them carry similar advice for internet safety. Some of these include don’t give out personal information, keep the computer in a central location of the home, make sure your security software is up to date and monitor what your kids are doing online.

As a parent, you need to take this advice and apply them to your own family. Every family has it’s own needs. Perhaps you need a kid-safe browser for the youngsters, or perhaps your little ones cannot go online unless you are sitting with them. Both of these methods will help ensure that your child only participates in approved activities.

It gets trickier as your kids get older. Many families choose to monitor what their kids are doing online with the aid of software. In fact, I need to take a moment to applaud some parents from Wausau, Wisconsin. The parents went out of town and left their teenage daughter at home. They were monitoring her MySpace page and learned that she was planning an underage drinking party. The parents returned early from their trip, called the Sheriff to report the party. In fact, the deputies issued 29 underage drinking citations at the house.

I think this is a great example of responsible parenting. They suspected something was wrong, investigated and when they discovered that indeed there was a problem. And, there were consequences not only for their daughter, but also her friends.

Obviously your child might not be in the exact same situation, but the overall lesson is the same. If you suspect there is a problem, there very well could be. And perhaps you don’t think there is anything wrong, but wouldn’t you be happier if you verified those thoughts through facts that you could get by monitoring their use of the internet?    

what would you do?

A 10-year old kid registered for YouTube using his real name, his official school email address and claimed that he was 20. Was this your kid?

Luckily for this kid, his mother happened to walk by and see what he had done. She was smart and kept the computer in a common area in the house. But, as she learned, that’s just not enough anymore.

As a parent you hope your kids use their best judgment. But now with the internet, kids are being asked to make decisions that they are not mature enough to make. They don’t understand the consequences of their potential actions and instead think in the “now.”

You need to continually teach your child what is appropriate online behavior for their age. An eight year old doesn’t need a facebook page but perhaps a profile is appropriate for your 16 year old.

And you must check in with them and make sure they are following your guidance. With identity theft growing more common, you want to be sure that your child is protecting their identity as well as yours. You can do this with parental monitoring software, such as McGruff SafeGuard.

Netsmartz has some great age-appropriate internet safety pledges that you can use with your children. The pledges begin with simple rules for the youngest children and become more comprehensive as your child matures.

Make sure you take steps now to protect your child. It’s easier to teach them upfront than to deal with a potentially devastating aftermath if something bad was to happen.

reports can't capture technology

The Harvard Berkman Center for Internet & Society announced today the formation of a task force to “evaluate a broad range of existing and state-of-the-art online safety technologies, including a review of identity authentication tools to help sites enforce minimum age requirements.” I’ll admit that they’ve gathered an impressive group of participants, including NCMEC, Microsoft, Yahoo!, MySpace, Facebook and iKeepSafe. But I’m wondering when did it become a business’ responsibility to police the internet?   

The task force will be preparing a report on current technologies to “provide a safer online experience for all internet users”. A report? Really? And it’s going to take a year to produce with quarterly updates.

I work at a technology company. Technology moves much faster than the speed of a report. By the time the report is finished, all of the technologies that are evaluated in it will have either advanced and morphed into something else, or been tossed by the wayside for a newer product.

I see two things that are wrong here. One, if companies are so concerned, they should be focusing their energies on creating new technologies to keep people safe. Not just talking about it.

And two, if they care about their users, why not focus their energies on helping people to learn how to be safe online? All the technology in the world can’t protect you if you blindly give out personal information online.

If it is the age verification technologies that they want to work on, include an educational component for parents. Kids are very knowledgeable about technology and the latest fads. Many parents aren’t comfortable enough with technology to be able to have an intelligent discussion with their children about what to do and not do. It’s not enough anymore to tell your children to not talk to strangers.

making the online world real

Many kids online don’t think of the internet as the real world. Often they adapt different personas altogether. They don’t think about the ramifications that their behavior online could have in the physical world that we live in.

That’s why I was happy to see an article talking about a presentation that a team of middle school students in Jamestown, ND made to their classmates. The kids are part of iSAFE, a non-profit foundation whose goal is to educate students on how to avoid dangerous, inappropriate, or unlawful online behavior. iSAFE takes a unique approach by creating and distributing K-12 curriculum and community outreach programs to parents, law enforcement and community leaders.

The iSAFE team, made up of 3 students, made a presentation, including a skit, based on the true story of Christina Long, a young girl who was killed by an internet predator. Through the use of the skit, actual news coverage and interviews with Christina’s family, and guest speakers, the team was able to show students how even the most innocuous comments online can leave a trail of clues about you, where you live, your hobbies and your daily schedule.

I think this was great for two reasons. One it translated online behavior to offline consequences. And it also got people involved in internet safety from all levels. Rather than the middle school students simply listening to yet another lecture from an adult, they became active participants. I think more schools and families need to learn from this.

In fact, iSAFE offers training and programs for parents, educators and law enforcement as well as kids of all ages. If you’re a parent who wants to be active in your community and share your knowledge of internet safety, you can become involved with iSAFE. After all, don’t you want all children to be safe online? I know I do.

 

how do i start the discussion?

If you’re like many parents, you know you need to discuss online safety with your children but are not quite sure where to begin. First off, you want it to be a conversation, not a lecture. They have lots of knowledge about the internet and you might be able to learn something while teaching them about digital citizenship. And it can’t be a conversation that you have once and think that they are set for life. Technology changes and so do your kids.

Here are a few resources to use to start the conversation:

Digital Citizenship – The site is primarily aimed at educators, but your kids learn from you everyday so make sure they are learning the right things. Also a great repository of articles on current technology and digital citizenship topics.

Techlearning – A great list of questions you can use to start a conversation with your kids. Some, like #9, won’t apply, but the list covers many topics that you should be addressing. I especially like:

"Why do you think cyberbullying has increased and what can we do about it?"

"What is the most difficult computer problem you have ever encountered?"

"Can you give some good examples of what digital citizenship is about?"

iKeepSafe – Here are some family-oriented lessons on internet safety.

National Crime Prevention Council – A good resource for parents not just for internet safety but family safety and crime prevention overall.

Once you’ve talked to your kids and established guidelines for internet use, you will need to enforce the rules. It’s just like when I would come home past my curfew, I was grounded. You need to teach your kids that there are consequences for their behavior, good or bad, both off and online.

cause and effect – what if your child isn’t the victim?

Most of the time the media focuses on the victim. Heck, even I try to help parents learn what to do if their child is the one wronged online. But for every kid being hurt online, there is also someone causing the injury. What do you do if it is your child is the aggressor?

The Associated Press released an article yesterday entitled “Students Fight Back Against Gossip Site.” It focuses mainly on college-age students but similar things are happening to kids of all ages. They are being slandered online—tortured enough that some choose to commit suicide.

I’m sure you’re thinking that it’s not my kid doing the torturing. But it is someone’s kid.

The site profiled in the article, juicycampus.com, is just one example of how far people will go online to defame and harass someone. 

By knowing what your kids are doing online both with and without your knowledge, you are better able to correct their netiquette early on. You can learn what’s happening by monitoring their internet use. Without such guidance, it could be your kid posting horrible things about others online. It’s not just the schoolyard bullies who are acting out online. Sometimes it is the quiet kids whom you least expect. They can’t fight back in the physical world so they turn to the virtual one.

What can you do as a parent if you find out that your child is the bully? There are plenty of resources out there if your child is being bullied, but very few, if any, resources for parents of the bully. The steps you take are just as important as those taken by parents of victims. Some options are having your child apologize to those affected, restricting or removing internet access for a period of time, or other methods that you use in your family. The point is to treat the cyberbullying seriously and continue to monitor their internet use to make sure that they do not continue to harass others.

compare and contrast your family's online behaviors

Harris Interactive and Symantec released a survey yesterday that takes a look at online activities of people across the world. Let’s see how your family stacks up in a few areas.

Do your kids spend less than 20 hours a month online? If so, you’re ahead of the curve as the survey reports that kids in the US spend an average of 20 hours a month online. Surprising to me, parents think that their kids only spend 2 hours a month.

Do you know who your child’s friends are? Are they meeting people online? There is a good chance they are. In the US, 35% of kids ages 8-17 have made friends online, while 50% teens ages 13-17 have.

Who are your kids sharing their, and possible your, information with? Four in ten teens have been asked for personal information online. Did your kids ignore the request or share the information?

Do you visit social networking sites? Do your kids? Yes. In fact, 76% of teens visit social networking sites. Do you know what they are saying and posting there? You should. It will give you some more insight into your children, areas that they might not tell you about.

The fact that was most shocking to me is that only 33% of parents worldwide monitor their children’s online activities and set parental controls. I find this surprising because I think parents truly care about the safety of their children.

You as a parent have taught your children to look booth ways before crossing the street. I bet you didn’t let them just start running across it. You first would hold their hand and cross with them. As they got older they didn’t need to hold your hand but you were still by their side. You taught them about what the signals mean, red and green lights, walk and don’t walk signs.

Why not do the same with the internet? Start with the basics and keep an eye on your kids by using monitoring software. You’ll know what your children are up to and when it is time for them to be out on their own, you’ll be confident that they know how to stay out of trouble.

legislating the lives of predators

I was just reading that the state of New York is currently considering legislation called the Electronic Security and Targeting of Online Predators Act (e-STOP). The goal is to force sex offenders to register their online information, such as email addresses and screen names, just as they do now with their physical address and phone number. In fact, you can search Family Watchdog’s site to see who lives or works near you with prior convictions of crimes against children, rape, sexual battery and more. New York also has its own registry, as do the other states.

I know that the lawmakers are doing this in the best interest of the children. But what about the people out there who haven’t committed a crime yet but are working towards it, perhaps grooming your child to be their first? Or what about those who are already committing crimes but just haven’t been caught yet? And, have you ever gotten an email address? I have several and it is very easy to acquire new ones and new screen names. Predators could use one to comply with the law and another one to communicate with your kids. You as a parent can make a much bigger difference than a law that is difficult, if not impossible, to enforce.

Yes, it’s hard to think about this but the reality is that to protect your children you must be able to deal with unpleasant issues like this. When you talk to them about what is ok and not ok in the physical world, make the connection to the online world at the same time. Let them know to not talk to strangers online, just as they wouldn’t when they are in the mall. And it’s ok to block instant messaging users who make them uncomfortable.

Unfortunately our government cannot be all things to all people. Parents need to step-up and take responsibility for keeping their children safe, online and off. If you do, you’ll sleep better at night.

Quick side note: isn’t the government great at creating acronyms?

how to be everywhere at once

The web just isn’t what it used to be. No more is it simply email and passive reading of websites. Today there are more things than ever to do online. Social networking, chat, instant messaging, gaming, music, movies, videos, shopping and the list grows everyday. As a parent, where should you focus your efforts to keep your children safe online where it will make the most impact?

Most parents would concentrate on social networking sites. According to a study released last week by Internet Solutions for Kids, Inc., more kids are being harassed and sexually solicited in chat rooms and through instant messaging than on social networking sites like Facebook and myspace.

I’m not saying that these sites should be ignored. The study was conducted in 2006 and use of social networking has been growing tremendously, on Facebook alone, usage increased 270% from 2006-2007. 

I’m sure by now you’re thinking, “gosh, how can I be everywhere at once?” You may not be able to watch your children every minute they are online, and you shouldn’t have to. Instead, you can use an internet monitoring product.

When you are evaluating your options, be sure to see what the capabilities are. These should include monitoring of chat, instant messaging, social networking sites and general websites viewed. In addition you should have the ability to block people from communicating with your child. Another great feature to have is the ability to see the information collected without logging into their computer and being notified if your child is in a potentially dangerous situation so that you can act upon the information is necessary.

the double life your kids lead

Never a large watcher of PBS, at least not since I watched Sesame Street growing up, I was amazed to be on the PBS site the other day and find a series, Growing Up Online, that features stories about growing up online from your children’s point of view.

Being that I work at McGruff SafeGuard, I know that bad things happen to kids online. I wish these things didn’t but I can’t stop it. But I can help you, a parent, understand what’s happening and how you can help keep your family safe.

The Growing Up Online series is a great primer for parents as a real-life introduction to what kids go through everyday. And you can watch all six chapters online. It will help you understand why the internet is so important to your kids. They view it as a continuation of their offline lives. A place they can be themselves.

If you have older children, middle school and up, I recommend watching it with them. Discuss the stories with them. Talk about what is and isn’t allowed in your family. Talk about what your kids should do in the situations that are featured. And let them know there are many other things that may happen while they are online.

When watching the series, I was amazed by how much the parents could have learned about their kids lives by simply monitoring the family’s internet use. Things like anorexia, cyberbullying, sex, underage drinking, social networking, and more. Things that if parents knew they could address and get help for. In one of the cases featured, if the parents knew their son was being cyberbullied, they could have prevented his suicide.

Feel free to watch the series and let me know if there are issues you’d like me to discuss further. And, of course comments are always welcomed.